2039 replies to this topic

[Nikola]

Mozda najjaci vic sa Mujom i Hasom koji sam cuo:

Voze se Mujo i Haso i naidju na dve autostoperke. Pokupe oni njih, malo porazgovarase, i dogovore se da se seksnu u obliznjem sumarku. Taman se svukli, tek jedna od njih pruza Muji kondom i rece: "Znas, strah me je trudnoce". Mujo uze kondom i desi se sta se desi.

2 meseca kasnije, bila je sredina jula, sunce upeklo, a Mujo crnci li crnci na njivi. Tek nailazi Haso: "Jeli Mujo, sto si nervozan toliko?" Mujo, sav znojav i namucen odbrusi: "Slusaj Haso, ja cu balon skinut, a ona nek zatrudni!"

[dincha]

Narode, ovo su stvarni citati gospodina Bush-a! Vi odlucite da li zasluzuju da se nadju u ovoj rubrici!

"Ariel Sharon of Israel is a Man of Peace"

"General Musharraf of Pakistan is a Democrat"

"The inhabitants of Greece are the Greecians"

"The French don't have a word for 'Entrepreneur'"

"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."

"The future will be better tomorrow."

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system."

George W. Bush

[danijela]

In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with Haiku poetry messages. Haiku poetry has strict construction rules - each poem has only 17 syllables; 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second, 5 in the third. They are used to communicate a timeless message, often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity.


Below, the essence of Zen:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

[danijela]

Question: What is the height of globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?

Answer: An English Princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashed in a French tunnel, in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was high on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi on Japanese motorcycles, and she was treated by an American doctor using Brazilian medicines! This analysis is sent to you by an Armenian, using Bill Gates' technology that he stole from the Japanese, and you are probably reading it on one of the IBM clones that uses Taiwanese-made chips and Korean-made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported in trucks driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians, and finally sold to you by the ex Yugoslavs.

That, my friend, is Globalization!

[Paun]

Kupuje strani vojnik kajmak na pijaci u Sa.
Baba, do zla boga ruzna. Nikakva. Bez zuba sa malo bradice.
Pita on posto kajmak, onako malo rukama malo prica.
Kaze baba 10 maraka
Vojnik da lovu.
Baba je uzme i podigne drzeci izmedju dvije ruke prema suncu. Pita je prodavac do nje. Sta to

bona radis.
Gledam jel prava da me ne zajebe ovaj majmun.
Vojnik panicno vice NE ZA JEBE, NE ZA JEBE. Za kajmak, za kajmak

[Paun]

Frajer ima problema kako zadrzat curu jer uvek prerano svrsi, ode on kod doktora i on mu predlozi da pre sexa masturbira jer ce mu to pomoci.

Sedi on tako u kancelariji i zna da ce mu devojka dati popodne i pokusava shvatiti gde da se olaksa: u kancelariji ne moze jer je preotvorena, u WC-u ne moze jer moze neko naic i odluci on da ce u autu na putu kuci.

Sedne on u auto, odveze se i na putu prema kuci stane sa strane, ali kako mu se cinilo da ima previse prometa zavuce se ispod auta, kao popravlja nesto i krene s radnjom.

Dakle, zatvori on oci, pocne masturbirati, kad oseti da ga neko udara po nogama. "Ko je?" upita on jos uvek zatvorenih ociju kako ne bi pokvario fantaziju. "Policija ovdje, sta radite?"

"Popravljam poluosovinu", odgovori frajer jos uvek u punom poslu. "Onda popravite i kocnice jer vam se auto spustio niz ulicu!"

[Paun]

Pricaju dve plavuse. Prva rece:"Nikada se ne bih udala za madjionicara."
"A zasto?"-zapita je druga.
"Zato sto se plasim da ne rodim zeca!"- odgovori joj prva plavusa..

[isidora]

Posto izbegavamo nacije...

Sta radi Perica kad zavrsi pravni?
-Prebaci skelu na ekonomski.
Kako se zove ciga u mercedesu?
-Lopov

[isidora]

leže dva crnogorca pod drvetom u hladu
i, kako je prošlo podne, hlad više nije bio tamo gde su oni ležali
kaže jedan: da se premestimo za ono drugo drvo, đe je hlad
-ajde
prođe pola sata, i oni konačno pređu tamo
kad će jedan: šta je čo'ek, ka' tica, čas je 'vamo, čas tamo!

Izvinjavam se ako se neko naljutio zbog ovoga.

[Paun]

Izvinjavam se ako se neko naljutio zbog ovoga.

Kada si već počela da vrđaš, ajde i ja jedan B) :

Sta Crnogorac prvo uradi posle dobrog sex-a? Prdne da izbaci kurton!!!

[al bundy]

Beba glista: "mama, gdje je otisao tata?"

Mama glista: "na pecanju je, sine"

[mathematician]

Baba pozove svoje dve prijateljice, ali znajuci da je senilna napise na parcetu papira sta treba da uradi kad prijateljice dodju. Prvo skuvati kafu, zatim kolaci itd. Posle izvesnog vremena baba se seti da treba nesto da uradi, pogleda u spisak i skuva kafu. Popise njih tri tu kafu, a baba se ponovo seti da nesto treba da se uradi, pogleda spisak i ponovo skuva kafu. Trajalo je to citavo popodne, ispise gomilu kafa i babe odlucise da krenu kuci. Dilalog po izlasku iz kuce:
- Sedosmo citav dan, a Dara ni da se seti da skuva kafu!
- Koja Dara?

Mozda vic i nije nesto, ali ja sam se valjao kada sam ga cuo!

[SerZKO]

Srela se dva prijatelja posle dugog vremena. Seli u kafic da popiju pice i razvezli o raznim stvarima Tek ce jedan :
- Dobro, evo sedimo vec sat vremena a ti nikako da me pitas kako sam.
- Pa dobro, kako si ?
- Bolje ne pitaj...


Pozdrav,
SerZKO

[isidora]

Baba pozove svoje dve prijateljice, ali znajuci da je senilna napise na parcetu papira sta treba da uradi kad prijateljice dodju. Prvo skuvati kafu, zatim kolaci itd. Posle izvesnog  vremena baba se seti da treba nesto da uradi, pogleda u spisak i skuva kafu. Popise njih tri tu kafu, a baba se ponovo seti da nesto treba da se uradi, pogleda spisak i ponovo skuva kafu. Trajalo je to citavo popodne, ispise gomilu kafa i babe odlucise da krenu kuci. Dilalog po izlasku iz kuce:
- Sedosmo citav dan, a Dara ni da se seti da skuva kafu!
- Koja Dara?

Mozda vic i nije nesto, ali ja sam se valjao kada sam ga cuo!

Odličan je, mada ja znam malo drugačiju verziju.

[pixy]

najjaci ratni vic:

Kaze Mujo Hasi: "Bolan, video sam ti baba na CNN-u"

a ovaj sav radostan: "A jel, a sta radi?"

Kaze Mujo: "Nista, lezi".