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#16 Indy

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Posted 22 November 2002 - 01:09

(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or wi! ll you not tell me the name of the new leader of
China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle
East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And
then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is! the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. May be we should
send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East.
Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

#17 Voo

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Posted 22 November 2002 - 14:22

malo stariji, idalje dobar..

Last month, a survey was conducted by the U.N.
worldwide. The only question asked was,
"Would you please give your most honest opinion
about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of
the world?"

The survey was a HUGE failure.

In Africa they did not know what "food" meant.
In Western Europe they did not know what "shortage" meant.
In Eastern Europe they did not know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they did not know what "solution" meant.
In South America they did not know what "please" meant.
In Asia they did not know what "honest" meant.
And in the USA they did not know what "the rest of the world" meant

#18 Prki

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Posted 22 November 2002 - 21:35

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

ov je najbolji topik koji je iko ikada izmislio

PS mislim da sam sve do sada poslao ovima koje imam u svom "konatktu"
(u zavisnosti da li pricaju srpski shaljem i ove nashe) (dzaba ako je i stranac i zna srpski ka nerazuem vic -napirmer onaj sa pericom i jovicom)

#19 Prki

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Posted 22 November 2002 - 21:36

Hvala ELLE, ko god da si, na ovom topicu

#20 Free Mason

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Posted 29 November 2002 - 09:48

New viruses (but do not worry...)



AL GORE virus: causes your computer to just keep counting.

CLINTON virus: gives you a 7-inch hard drive with NO memory.

BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus: makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

LEWINSKY virus: sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.

RONALD REAGAN virus: saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

JESSE JACKSON virus: warns you constantly about illegitimate file reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing files in the background.

MIKE TYSON virus: quits after two bytes.

OPRAH WINFREY virus: your 300 MB hard drive shrinks to 100 MB, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200 MB.

JACK KEVORKIAN virus: deletes all old files.

PROZAC virus: totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus: only attacks minor files.

SCHWARZENEGGER virus: terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.

and last but not least ...

LORENA BOBBITT virus: reformats your hard drive into a 3.5-inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.

#21 Indy

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Posted 04 December 2002 - 02:31

Dosao Hrvat u Sarajevo i usao u kafic.
Dovikne Muji za sankom: "Molim jednu kavu!"
Mujo njemu: "Ne moze!"

Tip se zamisli, sto sad, da se nisam nesto zajebo na nacionalnoj/rasnoj/jezicnoj osnovi...

"Molim jednu kafu!"
Mujo opet: "Ne moze, bolan!"

"Molim jednu kahvu!"
"Ma ne moze, bolan, ne zajebavaj me, NEMA VODE!"

#22 Indy

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Posted 04 December 2002 - 07:22

Posle vihora rata ovih godina
opusteo jedan kraj u Bosni pa kukavni Mujo, jedini preziveli skriven negde
u sumi krene u selo. Nije siguran ima li koga i polako prepoznaje neku kucu
uz razmisljanje: hrvatska je. Otvara vrata ulazi cuje neki zamor ali jos
ne vidi nikoga. Za svaki slucaj podigne ruku i salutira "Za dom spremni ".
Pojavljuje se gorostasan cetnik . Usro se Mujo pa nesto tisim glasom " Pa ,
ako niste spremni onda " spremte se spremte "

#23 Jr

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Posted 05 December 2002 - 03:59

Pred beograjsko mesnico je že ob treh zjutraj kilometrska vrsta.
Ob osmih pride mesar: "Mesa še ni.Ga tudi ne bo za vse.Vsi ...ji domov!"
Albanci se poberejo, drugi potrpežljivo stojijo v vrsti.
Zvečer pride poslovodja: "Mesa še ni.Ga tudi ne bo za vse.Kdor ni za Miloševiča domov!"
Opozicija se pobere, drugi čakajo vso noč.
Ob osmih pride predsednik občine: "Drugovi, vi ste naši, vi boste razumeli: Ves svet se je zarotil proti nam.Ni mesa!"
Zvesta srba potrta korakata proti domu: "Ti nisem rekel, da je treba vse ...je pobit.Že spet so imeli protekcijo."

#24 danijela

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Posted 06 December 2002 - 17:09

"What was left unclear... is what will happen after Saddam is gone? Democracy seems unlikely, so the hope is that Saddam will be replaced by a more pliable leader, someone we can work with to keep the country under control, maintain regional balance of power. Someone sympathetic, secular, someone like, oh... 1982. Saddam." —Jon Stewart

"President Bush said it's now time for a change in Iraq and he wants them to have a Western-style democracy like ours. So right now in Iraq, the economy is collapsing, businessmen are corrupt, and Hussein wants his son to take over as president. Sounds like mission accomplished." —Jay Leno

"Isn't it funny how people say they'll never grow up to be their parents, then one day they look in the mirror and they're moving aircraft carriers into the Gulf region?" —from The Onion's "question man" about President Bush's plans for war with Iraq

"The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up." —Jay Leno

#25 danijela

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Posted 07 December 2002 - 12:58

Top Ten reasons for being a Serb

You are not a Croat.
Basketball team.
You can choose between several war criminals in Presidential elections.
You can enjoy the positive media coverage of your country when abroad.
You can fight 600 year-old battles against the Turks and their domestic collaborators, be convinced that it's happening right now, and not be entirely wrong.
You can always go to Greece and Cyprus and fear nothing.
Grilled meat and slivovitz.
You get to drink slivovitz and eat grilled meat even when under economic sanctions.
You are the only European country which will be bombed by NATO.
Every now and then you get to fly to the Hague at someone else's expense.

Top ten reasons for being a Croat

You're not a Serb.
Soccer team.
You get to pretend that your language is different from Serbian, although it's really not.
Dubrovnik.
You get to dream about independent Croatia.
Every now and then you get to sing "Danke, Danke, Deutschland," and continue to dream about independent Croatia.
You have a thousand-year culture of which no one has heard.
You have a democratically elected President who is not ashamed of being a Croat.
The glorious World War Two past.
You have a thousand-year culture...

Top Ten reasons for being Bosnian

You can get asylum anywhere except in Serbia.
You can pretend that your state exists.
Kebab.
You can pretend that Sarajevo is a really cosmopolitan European city when you know that it is not.
Great kebab.
You can be visited by Francois Mitterand, Bernard Henry-Levy, Susan Sontag, and Bill Clinton and it still doesn't make a difference.
Free round-trip to any Moslem country.
You get to be bombed by a psychiatrist.
You can fly your flag in the UN but nowhere else.
Foreigners give you money and don't ask any questions.

Top Ten reasons for being Slovenian

You can speak the beautiful Slovene language and know that no one cares except you.
You can feel superior to all former Yugoslavs.
You can drink after work.
You can pretend to live on the "sunny side of the Alps," although you know it's not that sunny.
You can pretend that you are as good as any German while secretly enjoying the fact that you are a Slav.
Good relations with Italy and Austria.
You can afford to be Yugo-nostalgic.
You can marry a Slovene and have Slovene children who speak Slovene.
You don't have to be ashamed when abroad.
No one bothers you because no one really cares.

Top Ten reasons for being Macedonian

You can call yourself Macedonian and not get killed by a Bulgarian, Greek, Serb or Albanian.
Fresh tomatoes, watermelon and tobacco.
You can pretend you are a descendant of Alexander the Great and piss off the Greeks.
You get to be sad and suffer while listening to folk music.
Good relations with your neighbors, especially Greeks and Albanians.
American soldiers on your territory.
You get to call your country The Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia.
Fresh tomatoes, watermelon, and tobacco.
You can successfully pretend your language is not Bulgarian.
Everyone is interested in the stability of your country except your neighbors.

#26 Dunadan

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Posted 07 December 2002 - 14:58

zaboga ovo je odlichno :smile:
pogotovo ona fora za novog predsednika Kine :smile: :smile: :smile:, Kofija i Jasera :smile:

#27 Jr

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Posted 27 December 2002 - 14:19

Sreli se pravoslavac i katolik na pravoslavni bozic..

P: Hristos se rodi.
K: Nas sisa vec dve nedelje..

#28 Dunadan

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Posted 27 December 2002 - 21:51

ahahahahhahahahahaha :smile: :smile: :smile:

a je l znate koja je razlika izmedju pedofila amatera i profesionalnog pedofila?

profesionalni pedofil je zavrshio teoloshki fakultet

#29 elle

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Posted 18 January 2003 - 19:31

President George Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he
visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion
related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if
he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word,
"tragedy." So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a
"tragedy."

One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next
door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over,
that would be a tragedy."

"No," says Bush, "that would be an ACCIDENT."

A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children
drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains Mr. President. "That's what we would call a
GREAT LOSS."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush
searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example
of a tragedy?"

Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a
quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. & Mrs. Bush, were
struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, by a terrorist like
Osama bin Laden, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic," exclaims Bush, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that
would be a TRAGEDY?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it
certainly wouldn't be a great loss."

xixixi

#30 danijela

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Posted 21 February 2003 - 20:08

Sedam čuda komunizma:

1. Svako je bio zaposlen.
2. Iako je svako bio zaposlen, niko ništa nije radio.
3. Iako niko ništa nije radio, sve planove smo ispunili bar 100%.
4. Iako je plan ispunjen preko 100%, radnje su bile prazne.
5. Iako su radnje bile prazne svi su sve imali.
6. Iako je svako imao sve, svi su krali.
7. Iako su svi krali, nikad ništa nije falilo.