90 replies to this topic

[Lepotica Uspavana]

Onda, evo vic iz arhive :


Ide zeka sumom i sretne liju kako se sprema da smota dzoint, cisto da povuce neki dim, umorila se od sumskog zivota.Tu je on iskritikuje, te kako je nije sramota, toliko lepih stvari u zivotu, pa jos zivi u sumi na cistom vazduhu i tako lepom okruzenju ...Ubedi zeka liju da oni dzogiraju sumom, to je zdravije.I ona pristade, krenu sa zekom da trckara po sumi.Nisu daleko otisli kad iza jednog zbuna vide vuka kako se sprema da namakne iglu sa heroinom, i on umoran od zivota ... Tu ga oni iskritikuju, te kako ga nije sramota, toliko lepih stvari u zivotu, pa jos zivi u sumi na cistom vazduhu i tako lepom okruzenju ... Krene i vuk da dzogira sa njima.Nisu dugo trcali, sretnu medu kako je taman krenuo da usmrka kokain ...Opet ista kritika, pa medo, da li si normalan, vidi kakva suma, vazduh ...Krene meda da trci sa njima.

Na brdu ih presretne Lav, kralj zivotinja, sav ispizdeo i ljut, samo sto ih ne pojede zive.

Obrati se zeki:"Je li ti bre pederu zeciji, ko si ti bre da se nakljukas extasy-jem, pa da maltretiras celu sumu da trci sa tobom ..."

Ę

[Dragan]

U cemu je razlika izmedu E.T.-ja i Jugosa ?

1. E.T. je dosao sam
2. govorio je nemacki
3. imao je svoj biciklo
4. bio je lepsi
5. hteo je da se vrati kuci

[condor]

govorio je nemacki???

aaaa, 'oces da kazes da je bio nahsinhronizovan! majku mu, mislim da je tehnologija dovoljno napredovala da bi mogao da se napravi jedan takav vokmen-prevodilac: ti pricas u mikrofon srpski, na zvucnike izlazi nemacki... Mada ne garantujem za lip-sync.

[Gojko & Stojko]

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus' first step.

So slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus to discover she still could not make the step. So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.

So with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step. About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus. Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!!"

At this the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."


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[fiume]

Znate zašto rajska jabuka ne može pasti?
Jer je raj na 7 nebu.

[elle]

Recnik:

( nije pravi vic, sasvim pol nekorektan, ali ima nekih dobrih)


ARHITEKTA: Kaze se za tipa koji nije bio dovoljno musko da bi bio
inzinjer, ni dovoljno peder da bi bio dizajner.
BANKAR: To je tip koji ti pozajmi svoj kisobran kada je suncan dan i
trazi ti ga nazad kad pocne da pada kisa.
BOY SCOUT: Decak obucen kao kreten kome komanduje kreten obucen kao
decak.
KONSULTANT: To je onaj ko ti skine sat sa ruke, kaze ti koliko je sati i
to ti naplati.
DIPLOMATA: To je onaj koji ti kaze da ides do djavola na takav nacin da
jedva cekas da pocne putovanje.
GLAVOBOLJA: Kontraceptivno sredstvo najcesce korisceno od strane zene
90-ih.
EKONOMISTA: To je strucnjak koji ce znati sutra zasto se ono sto je
predvideo juce nije dogodilo danas.
STATISTICAR: To je onaj koji je dobar sa brojevima ali poseduje dovljno
jaku licnost da ne bi bio inzinjer.
KVANTNI FIZICAR: To je slep covek u mracnoj sobi, koji trazi crnu macku
koja nije tamo.
FUDBAL: To je ono za sta se uda svaka zena, ni ne znajuci.
HARDWARE: Deo kompjutera koji prima udarce kad se zakoci software.
NESTRPLJIVOST: Cekati uzurbano.
INFLACIJA: Morati ziveti placajuci cene sledece godine platom iz
prethodne.
INTELEKTUALAC: Individua koja poseduje kapacitet da razmislja duze od
dva sata o necemu sto nije seks.
JEZIK: Seksualni organ koji neki degenerici koriste za govor.
MONOGAM: Ograniceni poligam.
PROGRAMER: To je onaj koji ti resi problem koji nisi ni znao da imas, i
to na nacin koji ne razumes.
PSIHOLOG: To je onaj koji gleda sve ostale kada neka zgodna zena udje u
prostoriju.


LJUBAV: Rec od pet slova, dva samoglasnika, tri suglasnika i dva idiota.

[ Izmena poruke: elle na dan 2002-04-16 03:24 ]

[elle]

i jos malo:



One NY suburban guy left for work on Sept 11 at about 6:00AM
to go to his office in the World Trade Centre.

When he got to Manhattan he went to his lover's apartment in the
village, turned his cell phone off, and climbed into bed with
her.
At about 10:00AM, while still lying next to her, he turned his
cell
phone on, and a second later it rang.

He answered, and it was his wife who screamed at him, "Where are
you? I've been trying to call you for an hour. I've been worried
sick
about you!!!"

So he answered, "Where do you think I am? I'm in my office!!!"



:smile: :smile:



[ Izmena poruke: elle na dan 2002-04-16 03:23 ]

[Prishtinasi]

It all makes sense now


MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnecologist..........and when we have real trouble, it's a
HISterectomy! )))

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?!

[Free Mason]

Bez namere da uvredim nekoga evo interesantnog hmm....vica -

The Geography of a Woman
------------------------------------------
Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half
discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.
Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.
Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.
Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Somalia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.
Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.
After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is,
but no one wants to go there.

The Geography of a Man
--------------------------------------
Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled by a di*k.

Inace je ovo poslato od osobe zenskog pola.

'Ajd' sad bez ljutnje.....

[Lepotica Uspavana]

crni zalud.graditelju, vec unapred znas da ce biti uvredjenih, saljes vic, izvinjavas se, ali ne mozes da odolis

...


one of 'half destroyed'

/// cudno, uvek mi se cinilo da su boys vise ruled by glad-in-my-stomak :grin: ///

[Free Mason]

Uspavana Lepotice kako da ispravim nepravdu nanesenu tebi?

Ah OK :smile::smile::smile::smile::smile:

Sve je u redu!!!!!

[ Izmena poruke: Free Mason na dan 2002-06-05 05:42 ]

[Lepotica Uspavana]

koju ?

...
:smile:

[zvezdara]

Jos jedna o sumi: Meda trenira ekologiju te zabrani svim zivotinjama da seru po sumi kako kome padne na pamet. Instalirao je WC na kraju sume i svi moraju da idu tamo. Zeki se smucilo da stoji u redu i da sluzi kao papir (jedan drugi vic) pa zbrise u sumu i obavi posao kao covek. Posto ga je meda pratio, iskoci iz zbunja a zeka zatecen pokri sapicama go'no.
-Sta to krijes?-pita meda.
- U'fatio sam leptira!
- Daj da vidim!
- Ne mogu. Pobeci ce.
- Sklanjaj te sapice da vidim!
Zeka skloni sapice i pogledom isprati nepostojeceg leptira, zatim pogleda dole:
- Lele! Pobeze! A vidi ala se israo!

[Prishtinasi]

Sede penzioner i penzionerka na klupi u parku.
ONA: Kako ste danas, komsija?
ON: Dobro, nego me nesto probada u ledjima...
ONA: A, koliko imate godina? ON: Devedeset cetiri.
ONA: Pa, ne bih vam dala!
ON: Ne bih ni mog'o

=============================================
Uletio Mujo u voz:
- Jel' ovo prvi razred?
- Jeste!
- Dobar dan, ja sam vas novi ucitelj
=============================================
Koja su dva najveca srpska uma na polju elektrotehnike?
Nikola Tesla - struja. Slobodan Milosevic – izolacija
=============================================
Govori Mujo u pola noci:"Bolan Fato, u kupatilu duhovi."
"Duhovi bolan!"
"Kakvi duhovi?"
"Ja usao u kupatilo, upali se svetlo samo. Ja pisam, svetli. Ja izadjem, ono se samo ugasi."
"Budalo, opet si pisao u frizider!"
=============================================

Dakle, ima Mujo puno djece, ali j*** on i dalje.
I tako, u akciji, kaze njemu Fata:
Mujo, smisljaj ime ili pazi!
Ma, ne brini se ti nista.
Malo kasnije, Fata ce opet:
Mujo, brzo smisljaj ime, ili vadi!
Mujo, pomalo van sebe i zadihan:
Ma, ne brini se ti nista.
Na to Fata:
Mujoooo, vadiiiii, ili imee smisljaj!!!
I, tako Mujo obavi poso, a Fata pita:
Mujo, jesi li ime smislio?
Mujo, polako izide iz Fate, lezerno skine prezervativ,
onako pun, , te ga pokaze Fati ponosno,
pa kaze:
Ako iz ovoga pobjegne, nek se zove David Kopperfield









_________________
"I have but one lamp by wich my feet are guided,and that is the lamp of experience.I know no way of judging the future but by the past."

[ Izmena poruke: Prishtinasi na dan 2002-06-05 05:33 ]

[Lepotica Uspavana]

And now, 'completely destroyed', vracam se samoci svojoj i pratim samo sportski deo foruma

...
:razz:

/ekoloska predostroznost/